The Power Game

You must notice when you get into those mind games with yourself and others. It’s the warrior you. The one that won’t let the bully win in the schoolyard. The one that wants to show the world that you have backbone and courage. So you start to plan the war. At night when everyone else is asleep. At work, pretending to listen. But all the while planning your next move. With friends asking their help and advice. This is war, you say, and I am doing it not for me but for my people. For my organization. For humanity. For the betterment of mankind. For my family. Oh really? Seriously? Is that where your obsession comes from? Or is it yet some unresolved issue dating way back to those other days that have little to do with current realities?

If you think that this scenario is rare or not your issue, think again. In my work with leaders, it is the rare leader that does not carry this cross on his or her back. More typically, leaders routinely confuse the realities of the current situation with dated occurrences or with surface-level resemblances to the here and now.

A senior woman leader who had to survive the male-dominated family and societal culture she was reared in, reacted with disbelief when other women in her organization gave her developmental upward feedback. Her reaction was “how can a sister say that about another sister…”

Another leader, shaped by his training and experience by the SEAL Special Forces, dismissed a coach assigned to him, even prior to giving his coach a chance to work with him, on the premise that no civilian can ever understand him or help him. Even though the challenge he wanted to work on was how to best transition from military life to a civilian career.

The inner voice is shaped by years of habitual behavior, and unsupervised, it can wreak havoc. The consequences are more significant when leaders exhibit this mindset. Their decisions affect many with devastating consequences.

So here is what you ask when we talk about this.  “Look, I am xx years old. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks”.  Or, “I am not aware when I go into autopilot. So what can I do?” When you took the mantle of leadership, you promised all of your followers that you will never stop growing. You pledged that their interest will come before yours and you will do what it takes. You committed to changing your stance with new information and checking your ego at the door. And, you took a stance for role modeling behavior that others should emulate. Step into your promise or hand over the mantle to someone else. If you commit and need support to get there you will be amazed at what the universe will unleash.

Questions for Online Conversation

1. Can you see your self-deceptive self?
2. What is it whispering?
3. What can you do?